No Sense of Direction

Do you know anyone who has no sense of direction? Well that’s me! I think I was born with this defect. This is like having a birthmark, but nobody sees it because it is in my brain, where all the directions live. All the directions are there and I know where I want to go, but just cannot get there.  It is as if I was being trapped in a room with no door, but the room has many windows. I can see out and can see where I want to go, I just cannot get there. It is like not being able to leave your house because you have agoraphobia. When I get lost, I think I am driving in the right way and in reality; I am driving the wrong way. The tough thing is that I do not always know I am lost, until I am really lost and that is when the panic sets in. The easiest way to get there is to turn around and begin again, which can take awhile, depending on how lost I was to begin with.

I believe that in the left cavity of the brain is where all the directions lie. I have that down pat. For me, it is my whole sense of direction that is off.  I need to have a GPS surgically installed in my brain and then I will never get lost. You might laugh, but I could never use that excuse ever again, “Sorry I got lost.”

 I became aware of this problem on the first day of school in the first grade. The Nun asked all the children which way we lived: North or South. I had no clue as to what that meant or what she was saying. It was as if she was speaking a different language. I did not want to say anything because all the other kids seemed to know which way they lived. I figured that most kids were exiting north, so I followed like blind sheep to the northern exit. After we had all exited, going north, I was a ½ block from school. Nothing seemed familiar to me. Then, the Nun came chasing after me to say I did not live north of the school, but south of the school. Well, I just shook it off and thought no biggie. It was first day of school, so I did not think any more of it. I just thought it was a fluke. No, it was not a fluke. This sense of going nowhere has followed me like a bad dream.

As the years went by, I navigated along. I faked it a lot and by blind luck, I happened to get where I was supposed to be going. I can usually tell where I am going if there is a landmark on the corner of the street, such as a Jewel, or gas station, or those cute boutiques. God forbid they tear those buildings down, I could get seriously lost.

I was in California, driving along the coast (and if any of you have driven that drive up the Pacific, well you know with the coastline, and how big the Pacific Ocean is). I ended up driving to San Francisco when I was trying to drive to Los Angeles.

I now know why men do not ask for directions. It is not a macho thing as I previously thought. They have a fear of asking directions. The funny thing is that when I ask for directions from a man in the gas station, they tell me to go North for 2 miles and then go East. That is where my dilemma begins. When I hear people talk about directions by name, I think they are speaking in tongues and it makes no sense to me.

I sense now how people who have amnesia feel. When I get lost, I have no idea where I am or where I am going or at that point who I am anymore. It is mind blowing to say the least.

Isn’t it funny for people like me, who cannot find their way out of a paper bag that I do not get lost in a store or mall? It is just when I am in the car driving. Maybe this is all related and it is something psychological. Maybe it is me not wanting to go to those places to begin with. What do you think?